And for me this is enough for now
"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.", so claimed the preacher in the book of Ecclesiastes. Of all the books of the Bible, Ecclesiastes is my favourite; it fits my cynical worldview. Not for me the name it and claim it theology of the word of faith movement. There's is an easy believism that replaces true faith with a decerebriated Christianity. I've heard, seen and experiences too many "promises" that have not been fulfilled. Promises that seem to be predicated on giving more; it seems that the only people who benefit from such a theology are the recipients of the flock’s misplaced largess.
No, not for me the empty words of faith, and the mantra like repetitions of good reports and claiming the promises.
I believe, but I do not know what I believe. I am a Christian but what does that mean? For some like Geering, and Cupitt it is a non-theistic, non-supernaturalistic faith. Yet such a faith is disingenuous. I much prefer the honest atheism of a Mackie or Dawkins to the lukewarm non-believism of the "sea of faith".
A while back I was in Thailand. I was attending a church conference of my former cult the World wide Church of God. While in Thailand I encountered for the first time an alternative world view, that of Buddhism. I visited Wat Po and saw the reclining Buddha. I learnt a bit about its precepts. The middle may was attractive, but I did not become Buddhist. As a philosophy there was much I admired but the middle way seemed like too much hard work. So I moved on.
After the WCG split I wandered and found myself at a charismatic Anglican church. I found people who accepted me. Yet even there I found myself unable to truly connect. My story was outside the parishioners’ comfortable middle class experience.
Every now and again I visit other places. The energy of Pentecostalism reminds me of what I grew up with. There is a sense of purpose and direction. But it comes at a cost; the suspension of one's critical faculties. I see all the manipulations that I experienced in my old cult at work, so I move on.
I am now 45, well on the way to middle age. By this time I thought that I would have had a few answers to the questions of life. But no. Instead I echo the same question that the preacher asked - "What do people gain from all the toil at which they toil under the sun?"
I am a Christian. I believe in the virgin birth, the death and resurrection, the atonement. All of these I believe in. Everything else is uncertain. And for me this is enough for now.

